3 Rules: Avoid Opposite-Gender Attraction

As we run through the stairs of wisdom, life unveils itself. No one is a born perfectionist. Riding through the highs and lows of life, we keep falling prey to sins. Without repentance and frequent self-analysis, the cycle perpetuates. Now and then, a wrong deed loads our hearts with tons. Nothing could fade the embarrassment. Some get tired and hopeless and continue to dig deeper into the dark abyss of sins. Others genuinely repent and afterwards, in some weak, evoking moment, are again guilty of a wrong deed. The individual believes in achieving forgiveness from Allah, referring to His mercy. Yet, the fear of people defeats them. No one can bear the stern looks of elders or the mocking comments of society when found guilty. Character assassination immediately comes into action. The wrongdoer is isolated. 

One of the common traps is opposite-gender attraction. Whether boys or girls, falling into this fissure is easy if they do not try to take the situation into their hands. As a coping mechanism, the following three (3)  rules will help you battle against this all-time foe, keep your faith alive and not become a victim of Allah`s punishment.

1) Mark your limits.

Society often blames women for being the root of this sin, burdening them with allegations and portraying them as criminals. Contrarily, women are adamant that men create all the mess. They would go on to blame men for everything. What is the pivotal solution? Let us first understand that neither men nor women are evil-natured. The one breaking the limits is the bad. Slamming either party is not a solution. So, know your boundaries. Boundaries should serve as a `caution`, a signboard to the opposite gender. Everyone has to abide by the rule: the dear one must not be allowed to break your limits. It should be a fair exercise. If you do not talk in a friendly manner to a Non-Mehram outside the family, then the same shall apply to family Non-Mehrams.

2) Talk relevant.

Whether it is an hour-long discussion at someone`s office or a few-minute phone call, keep the talk relevant to the discussion arena. Do not go into personal questions. And let not the rival be curious about your personals also. If they pass on a compliment to you, accept it with thanks. Usually, throwing back a compliment is not necessary. Keep it simple. Do not flatter them.

Golden rule: When talking during evening/night, only speak what you would have spoken during the daylight and dare to say it in the presence of others. 

3) Staying alone

Never be alone at a place with a non-mahram. First, talk to them in the day of light at a spot where people are around. If it is in a room or office, take with you your friend ( preferably a righteous one ). As a last resort, you may prefer a phone call over an in-person meeting. In all cases, fight hard against being alone with any non-mahram. Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a woman, but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1171) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

As a last word, being humans, we are all subjected to the strokes of Satan. Whenever you sin and realise it, do Istighfaar and supplicate before Allah. Every day we have a new page to write. It is up to us to write good or bad. Avail this opportunity. You can start everything anew. You can still stronger your connection with Allah. Keep repenting and working for an enriched faith.